In an attempt to regain a little of the Christmas Joy, I went in search of it. Here and there, I looked. Under tables, inside cupboards, even on the top shelf of the wardrobe, but no luck. So I thought - ooooh - I should search further afield.
Up to the shops I went, where I found a sinister looking Frosty The Snowman, and his wife, Mrs Frosty, standing guard over a rather thin looking Santa Claus, who was miserably handing out presents to small annoying children. These children were being herded by elves, each armed with large candy-canes with which to reprimand the children, or perhaps Santa himself.
The parents were kept well away from the enclosure. Once the children were removed from their loving hands, and herded into the crushes, there was nothing to stop the Elves or the Snowmen from their complete domination over them.
Not wanting to be mistaken for one of these poor small individuals, I quietly slunk away from this sinister scene of mass-enforced Christmasness.
Everywhere I looked, I found myself confronted with elves! Constantly patrolling the Centre, ever-watchful for small children. I had to get out of there! I made an initial dash for the nearest entrance, which was guarded by more of these evil little creatures, only to be turned back by a stampede of parents hurtling towards me with children in their arms, or above their heads, in an attempt to get away to safety.
Eventually I found an unguarded emergency exit and took my chance. Freedom! Oh, but wait. Where did those snowmen come from? Thousands of them - as far as the eye could see. What now? How do you deal with that many snowmen in one hit? I, an unarmed woman, was no match for what lay ahead, or behind, me.
I started to edge towards the carpark, hoping I might find somewhere to hide until I could think of some way out of this. I could see them, warily watching me, evil personified, their little black hats tilted ever-so-crookedly on their obscenely rounded heads, their pipes billowing smoke even now.
To hell with it! I ran for my life! I could hear them behind me, a vague sort of slithering slushy sound.
As I ran, I knew they were getting closer, but I could only run as fast as my little legs would let me, and they were catching up. Ah! An idea! It's 35 degrees Celsius outside, and what are snowmen made of?
SNOW!
Where they had amassed outside the doors to the centre had been an air-conditioned covered area, so they hadn't melted. But outside? What chance did they stand in that kind of heat?
All I had to do was get past them, and through the doors to the outside, and I'd be free of this madness.
And so I ran, heedless of my own safety. Ducking and diving, weaving left, then right, past the outstretched branches of these cruel masters of Christmas Joy. I knew they would follow me. They had to, or all would be lost.
Stay tuned for the next thrilling installment....
Please note - this story is copyrighted to me, and is not to be republished anywhere.
Up to the shops I went, where I found a sinister looking Frosty The Snowman, and his wife, Mrs Frosty, standing guard over a rather thin looking Santa Claus, who was miserably handing out presents to small annoying children. These children were being herded by elves, each armed with large candy-canes with which to reprimand the children, or perhaps Santa himself.
The parents were kept well away from the enclosure. Once the children were removed from their loving hands, and herded into the crushes, there was nothing to stop the Elves or the Snowmen from their complete domination over them.
Not wanting to be mistaken for one of these poor small individuals, I quietly slunk away from this sinister scene of mass-enforced Christmasness.
Everywhere I looked, I found myself confronted with elves! Constantly patrolling the Centre, ever-watchful for small children. I had to get out of there! I made an initial dash for the nearest entrance, which was guarded by more of these evil little creatures, only to be turned back by a stampede of parents hurtling towards me with children in their arms, or above their heads, in an attempt to get away to safety.
Eventually I found an unguarded emergency exit and took my chance. Freedom! Oh, but wait. Where did those snowmen come from? Thousands of them - as far as the eye could see. What now? How do you deal with that many snowmen in one hit? I, an unarmed woman, was no match for what lay ahead, or behind, me.
I started to edge towards the carpark, hoping I might find somewhere to hide until I could think of some way out of this. I could see them, warily watching me, evil personified, their little black hats tilted ever-so-crookedly on their obscenely rounded heads, their pipes billowing smoke even now.
To hell with it! I ran for my life! I could hear them behind me, a vague sort of slithering slushy sound.
As I ran, I knew they were getting closer, but I could only run as fast as my little legs would let me, and they were catching up. Ah! An idea! It's 35 degrees Celsius outside, and what are snowmen made of?
SNOW!
Where they had amassed outside the doors to the centre had been an air-conditioned covered area, so they hadn't melted. But outside? What chance did they stand in that kind of heat?
All I had to do was get past them, and through the doors to the outside, and I'd be free of this madness.
And so I ran, heedless of my own safety. Ducking and diving, weaving left, then right, past the outstretched branches of these cruel masters of Christmas Joy. I knew they would follow me. They had to, or all would be lost.
Stay tuned for the next thrilling installment....
Please note - this story is copyrighted to me, and is not to be republished anywhere.
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